♛ starshine.

t h e r e m i n i s c e n t s t a r - -
v2.o -star.

Saturday, September 11, 2004

. . .

i just thought i'd drop by.
now that i'm here.
i don't know what else i can say.
really.
someone tell me.
what AM i supposed to say?
thanks for EVERYTHING.

i'll remember everything.
especially this :
the blacks is just a name.
it is NOT a name.
it might be to you.
but not me.
but well.
that was the past.
i'm out.
and i've no intention of going back in.
don't blame me for this.

wei.
its not ur fault.
pl.
i love you.
remember that.
pts.
must be strong.
tiff.
remember i'm here always.
krys.
you take care.
daddiee.
i'm sorry i'm not strong enough.
peterpan.
thank you for loving me. =]

i've absolutely no idea if anyone is even going to read this.
but at this point of time.
i'm beyong caring.
so ya. hm.
i'm so used to you guys not bothering.
that when you do.
i freak out.
anyone of you know this?

wenny.
you claim that WE don't think about YOU when WE do things.
but think about it.
do YOU even bother bout what I think?
do YOU think of how HURT i feel when i see you fag?
when i see you cry and hurt youself.
when i see you falling apart when you and krys weren't talking.
do YOU even bother?
do I even mean anything to you?
i mean.
yes.
krys is your best friend.
she means the whole world to you.
i get that.
dee means the same thing to me too.
but sometimes.
the love you have for her.
~~seems to overpower the love for the rest of us.~~
by so so much.
i'm not saying its wrong.
or its your fault.
i'm not trying to pick a fight.
or a quarrel.
i've got not much strength left in me to do so.
i'm just saying it cause i want you to know the truth.
though you might be pissed .
or something.
sighs.
another thing..
don't you worry.
krys ain't leaving.
i am.
and its not cause of krys.
i assure you of that.

krys.
i just hope you'll be fine.
safe.
happy.
contented.
and not feel so unloved.
unwanted.
lost.
and left out anymore.
i guess with me out.
the would certainly be the case.
you take care ya.
be happy with my mummy.

pl.
my ever dearest darling.
my best friend.
you know what i always say to you.
i love you.
and i'll always be there.
i have been trying to.
but there's nothing i can do if you don't tell me anything.
i guess maybe i'm not good enough as a best friend.
and i'm sorry.
but no matter what.
you know how to get me when i'm gone.
we're best friends forever.
apart or together.
keep the pendent safely alrights?
it might not mean anything to you.
but it means alot to me.
thanks for being so understanding pl.
and loving me the way you do.
i love you so so much.

jenny.
pts.
you are one that i've constantly been worrying about.
please oh please.
be strong no matter what happens.
keep your cool at all times..
smile alright?
i love to see you smile.
=)
like wise.
i'm still here.
i've always been.
its whether i'm needed.
whether you noticed me in that dark corner watching over you.
i'm here always.
hugs.

tiff.
you are another one that i'm constantly worrying about.
you're like me in many ways.
maybe that's why i'm worried.
you might seem strong.
but you're not.
you need constant protection.
and i'm sorry to say.
i've done a bad job as your mummiee.
i'm sorry for those times i couldn't do anything.
or say anything to make you feel better.
i'm sorry.
i'm not good enough.
i really am.

daddiee.
i don't know if you'll get to see this.
but still.
thanks for being my daddiee.
really.
you're my bestest daddiee.
my ONLY daddiee.
your nu er will always love you.
and i'll always be your nu er.
i'm leaving the family to you.
and the rest.
i'm not sure if it'll still stay.
but.
if it does.
help me take good care of them?
thank you so so much daddiee.
and daddiee.
i'm sorry.
i'm not perfect.
i'm sorry.
i can't hold out anymore.
i'm sorry that i'm so weak.
so very weak that i chose to give up.
i'm sorry.

peterpan.
i'm sorry.
and thank you.
stay in the family for me.
will you?
take care of them for me.
i know you'll do a better job.
i love you. =]

there's so much more for me to say.
but at the same time.
i'm not sure if i should even mention them at all.
so i'll leave it at this.
this would be the point that i'm leaving all of you.
i hope you'll remember me nonetheless.
i hope you won't forget the memories.
of cine.
of everything.
a big thank you to all of you.
you guys taught me what ohana really means.
what it feels like.
all of you are one in a million.
please remember that.
i'm loving all of you as much as i did.
and it will continue to stay in me.
its a promise.
that will never be broken.
a promise from me to all of you.
goodbye my beloveds.

love,
~~the.soul-~~

;elysium.
2:19:00 PM